GTOG Movie Preview-Review: Step Up 3D

By Finesse

When I think of dancing, two things come to mind.  First and foremost is the “Dance of Champions” performed by the 1991 Penguins in Game 4 of the Finals against Minnesota after Troy Loney got whistled for a 5-minute high sticking penalty with 7 minutes left in the 3rd period and the Pens holding a precarious 4-3 lead.  As you will see when you watch the first 1:10 of this video, it was a beautiful collective harmony of movement.  It was the Dance of Champions.

The other thing I think of is stepping.  So when I saw the preview to Step Up 3D, needless to say, I was excited.  In trying to narrow down the things I love about the Step Up 3D movie preview to just 10 items, I felt a lot like Sarah Palin must feel when she is trying to decide which of every newspaper in the world she is going to read on a particular day.  There are inevitably going to be tough omissions.  For GTOG’s 10 favorite things about the Step Up 3D preview, read on after the jump…

10. Rick Malambri

When you saw this guy in the preview, I guarantee you didn’t think “Oh my God I know that guy…he looks so familiar…where is he from???”   Well, unless of course you remember him from that one episode of Criminal Minds in 2009 or when he played the “floppy haired guy” from that 2007 episode of How I Met Your Mother.  (His name is Rick Malambri.  Great name for a general contractor, horrible name for an actor).  The director here seems to be going for a hybrid Channing Tatum (star of Step Up) and Wes Bentley, the guy in American Beauty who held the video camera.  I’m not sure if this makes Malambri dumb and creepy or creepy and dumb.

9. “Everything you need to know is in my dancing”
When I first heard this, I knew that the proper question to be asking myself was “what is it that I couldn’t love about this movie?”  Let’s start with the fact that this simple flirtatious exchange makes, literally, no sense whatsoever.  If he could gather what she loves about dancing because it is “in her dancing” then why did he bother to ask?  Also, isn’t this a real cop-out answer on her part?  Imagine going into a job interview and the interviewer says, “So, what do you love about teaching?” and you responded, “everything you need to know is in my teaching.”  Wouldn’t the interview immediately be over?

Read on for more…

8. The first 30 seconds
After the first 30 seconds, there are pros and cons.  The pro is that I only have 2 unanswered questions.  The con is that one of those questions is, “what is this movie about?” (The second thing I’m wondering is whether the giant stack of boomboxes is the source of the music).  Regardless, I’m ready to step up.

7. The comments on YouTube

I’ll let these speak for themselves.

And my personal favorite…

6. Screen shots

Looks like Joran van der Sloot at Eyes Wide Shut Party

5. A house accessible only by “elevator shaftway”

From the 0:35-0:48 mark, we hear the following exchange: 

–  Welcome to my house.
   Think of the house as like a super group.
   Dancers work together, live together, battle together.
   It’s crazy, right?
– This place is incredible.

“Incredible” is one way to describe it.  “Foster home” is another.  Apparently there is an abandoned warehouse in the middle of Manhattan that houses at least 36 dancers (that’s what I counted at the 0:45 mark) between the ages of 16-24, is accessible only by “elevator shaftway,” has a wall made of boomboxes, has professional stage lighting, serves sit down meals for 36 people, has a lot of rooms that appear to be cages, and everyone is only interested in drinking water and soda as opposed to alcohol.

4. Diversity

I’d be remiss if I didn’t remark that the degree of diversity in this house can only be described as “aspirational.”  Diversity is a concept fully embraced by GTOG, but I’m not sure that there are this many different races in a Reading Rainbow advertisement, let alone living together in a boarding house in Manhattan.  In fact, I’m not so sure that there are even this many races in existence, period.

(If you didn’t own overalls like the Kid in position #4, then you simply weren’t raised as a human being.  Also, free Auntie Anne’s pretzel at Pittsburgh Mills Food Court if you can prove that the girl on the end is not crying.)

(Free Jay Caufield bobble head if you can identify the source of the hand circled in red.  And if it is from the kid second from the left, then he has some insanely long arms for his age.)

3. The “biggest battle ever”

At the 0:50 mark, Rick Malambri pulls a flyer off of an outdoor bulletin board and says, “Check this.  It’s the biggest battle ever.”  Of all the suspensions of belief required to buy into this movie, this might be the single most absurd.  From what we have learned so far, this is a group of 40+ people who are unbelievably gifted at dancing and standing on their heads, they live in a warehouse solely designed for the purpose of “battling”…and this girl only learns about the “biggest battle ever” by a street flyer???  This would be like 2009 Scripps National Spelling Bee winner Kavya Sivoshankar finding out about the “biggest spelling bee ever” from her spelling partner Manosh pulling a flyer off the bulletin board above a homeless guy sleeping outside the public library and saying, “check this…it’s the biggest spelling bee ever.”  Trust me, she would already know about it.

2. “Some people learn to dance.  Others are born to.”

…And some consider what this guy is doing to be “withdrawal from crystal meth,” not dancing.

1. The “one move”

Did you know that:

  • People dance because dance can change things?
  • One move can bring people together?
  • One move can make you believe like you’re something more?
  • One move can set a whole generation free?

My friend said he thought this was hyperbole, but then I reminded him that this is exactly what Nelson Mandela said when he was released from prison just before he did the wiggle move and stood on his head.  Seriously though, what could this move be?  And why exactly is this generation considered not “free?”  It seems to me that living in a warehouse with stage lighting, your 40 best friends, freshly prepared meals and dancing all day is about as “free” as you can be.

It’s time to Step Up.


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