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My brother, Bro-tistry, loves to hang out with my dad’s friend, Richard. They golf together, play cards together, eat sushi together, and my brother basically acts like a 60-year-old semi-retired person. Whatever, Richard is more fun than most 25-year-olds you know. If you doubt this, check out what happened when his daughter surreptitiously taped him watching the Steelers-Jets playoff game. Wait until the 1:57 mark for the payoff. [Rated R for language and partial nudity.]
So Bro-tristry and Richard are at Umi in Shadyside last Friday night, sitting at the bar and having dinner, and Bro-tistry checks the score of the Pens-Canes game on his phone, then mentions it aloud. The bartender says, “Aron Asham is sitting right over there. He’s with Mike Comrie.” My brother turns around and spots Asham, Comrie, and Hilary Duff, eating dinner and betraying no concern for the Penguin game.
After dinner, my brother gets up to use the restroom, and when he’s finished, he notices Asham is wearing a goofy hat, Comrie is overweight, and Hilary Duff is no longer at the table. As he and Richard move toward the stairs to head home, Bro-tistry pauses. “I have to text my brother,” he says.
“Why, to tell him this is the best sushi ever?” Richard asks, because that makes sense.
“No,” Bro-tistry replies, walking down the steps toward the exit. “To tell him Aron Asham and Mike Comrie could give a s— about the Penguin game.”
When they reached the bottom of the staircase, there was Hilary Duff. “I do think this sushi is the best ever,” she says. “And I’m from LA.”
Mike Comrie’s wife had clearly heard the entire exchange, yet Bro-tistry reports that she was as sweet and gracious as could be. The same cannot be said for Mike Comrie. As my brother and Richard stood in the restaurant lobby chatting away with Duff, the recreational hockey player waddled down the steps. “Looking grumpy and fat,” Bro-tistry reports. It seems he was not amused that his wife was talking to people. GTOG was plenty amused by the whole thing. Richard may or may not have gotten Hilary Duff’s number.
So moved was Bro-tistry by this experience, he wrote a song about it…