Bachelor Episode 7 Preview: Three Things You Should Have Already Known

Everything happens for a reason.  Whether they are the right reasons or the wrong reasons, they’re reasons and they’re why things happen.  If you’ve been following Sean’s season of The Bachelor with no guidance, then you probably have no idea how we got down to the Final Six Ladies.  But if you’ve been following along with our official Bachelor Viewing Guide, then nothing that has happened has surprised you.  Because that’s the thing about reasons.  They’re knowable, and we know them.  To download: if you’re reading this on your iPad, click here.  If you’re on a regular computer, click here.

Here are three ways the Viewing Guide would have helped you last week.

1. Chapter Three: Our second favorite recurring Chris Harrison moment.

It’s the same moment in every season: Chris Harrison arrives at the mansion and tells the contestants that the journey will be continuing in an exotic locale.  It was no different at the beginning of last Monday’s episode when Harrison arrived to tell the ladies that they would be traveling to Whitefish, Montana (within the hour!).   You may think this is just standard protocol, but no.  The location — Whitefish, Montana — told us everything we needed to know.


Honestly, why isn’t this show just called “Whitefish Lake?”

Did it matter that when told she was going to Montana, Selma said she wanted to thank Sean for making her dreams come? Of course not.  They’re going to Whitefish.

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Like every young Iraqi girl, Selma has always dreamed of going to Montana to fall in love with a man from Texas.

Did it matter that up until this point, Robyn seemed like one of the only normal people in the bunch? Of course not. They’re going to Whitefish.

Lost all of her dignity at the end.

Lost all of her dignity at the end.

2. Chapter 1 (Cast of Characters), Chapter 5 (the 2-0n-1 date), Chapter 7 (tear down these Walls)

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As thorough as our Guide is, sometimes you will need to do some cross-referencing.  On Sean’s 2-on-1 date with Tiera and Jackie, at least three chapters were in play.  Chapter 1 was actually on point for two reasons: first, that Jackie likely saw her chances dwindling and decided that she needed to sacrifice herself in order to tell Sean that Tiera was not there for the right reasons and second, because her name is Jackie. Chapter 5 teaches you about the 2-on-1 date and the importance of reading the body language with the other person and borrowing the Bachelor accordingly.  And Chapter 7, one of  the most important chapters in the Guide, made it clear that Tiera had only one play left — tell Sean something from the Scale of Horrible Things and get those walls down.

(Incidentally, some have questioned whether Tiera’s story about a dead ex-boyfriend is “ginuine”.  How dare those people. We’ve obtained this exclusive photo of Tiera on a double date with a friend and their significant others).

manit teo teira bachelor double date

3. Chapter 10: Losing control at a rose ceremony or cocktail party

A Rose Ceremony or Cocktail Party can come unhinged for any number of reasons, ranging from Stoli-ras-and-soda to Chardonnay to champagne.  What we wrote about in Chapter 10 is that when a contestant sees that it’s going terribly wrong, she will do pretty much anything to save herself.  And just like Wolf did last year when he showed Emily pictures of his dead grandparents moments before he was jettisoned, Sarah took a similar route on last Tuesday’s episode.  But her ploy had even less of a chance of success for one obvious reason: Her family is still alive!

"No, they aren't dead, why do you ask?"

“No, they aren’t dead, why do you ask?”

What is she thinking showing him pictures of living people?  Hey, here’s my Dad, he lives in Colorado and he’s retired but he still does some consulting a couple days a week.  He’s gotten really into cycling over the past couple years.  ARE YOU SERIOUS, SARAH!?!?  If you’re going to show pictures of living relatives, is there anything you won’t show pictures of?

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“Here’s a picture of a Toyota. I drive a Honda.”

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“This is a latte I ordered the other day. Not sure why they changed their logo.”

"Lean Cuisine, here."

“Lean Cuisine, here.”

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“This is where I withdraw cash, but not always because my bank card reimburses me $8 a month in fees for using other ATMs so sometimes I go to them if they’re more convenient.”

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“Dental x-rays. I think these are mine, but I can’t be 100%.”

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“I need to do laundry, hehe.”

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“My coworker spilled coffee on his shirt. Isn’t that funny?”

The lesson to be learned, again, is that you should download our Viewing Guide.

Two more hours tonight.  Try to contain your enthusiasm.

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